There was a time when, like many parents and therapists, I found myself wondering why a child wouldn't listen.

The instructions were simple. They'd done it before. Everyone else seemed to manage it OK. So why not today?

Over the years, I've realised I was asking the wrong question.

Children rarely wake up intending to have a difficult day. Most want to succeed. They want to join in, make us proud and feel capable. But sometimes their nervous system has already worked so hard just getting through the morning that there's very little left for the next challenge.

What looks like refusal may actually be overwhelm.

What looks like defiance may simply be exhaustion.

When I began looking at children through the lens of regulation instead of behaviour, something changed, not just in my therapy sessions, but in the conversations I had with families.

Parents often tell me that simply understanding this takes away some of the guilt. They stop asking, "What's wrong with my child?" and start asking, "What has today been like for them?"

That single question opens the door to curiosity, compassion and connection. And often, that's where the biggest changes begin. Because children don't always need us to push harder.

Sometimes they simply need us to understand them better.

And we can definitely do that!

Wondering how you can change this for your own child or the children you support? 

Download my free guide:

https://www.theregulationhourglass.com.au/lp-before-you-step-in-pause-a-regulation-village-guide

Have a good one.

Beryl