I often hear therapists describe a child as "refusing."

The child refused to write, refused to transition, or refused to participate.

But I've learnt to become curious about that little word. Because every "No" doesn't mean the same thing.

- Sometimes it's anxiety.

- Sometimes it's sensory discomfort.

- Sometimes it's uncertainty or cognitive overload.

- Sometimes it's simply a child whose regulation capacity has been stretched beyond what they can manage in that moment.

The behaviour may look identical, but the reason behind it can be completely different. If we assume every refusal is non-compliance, our intervention will often miss the mark.

Instead, I find it helpful to ask a different question. "What is making this task inaccessible right now?"

That question changes everything. It shifts our attention away from managing behaviour and towards understanding the child's experience.

Perhaps that's where our best clinical reasoning begins, not with the behaviour we can see, but with the capacity we cannot.

My challenge to you is to look deeper.

Kind regards, 

Beryl